I’m all for self-care and self-love. I’ve written many times about how, without self-love, we are incapable of loving anyone else. I understand and appreciate that many of us are brought up with a reluctance to take care of ourselves before others.

I then recall a revelation in my journal a few months back. Instead of achievement, I now craved equanimity. I wrote that all I hoped for myself was to live with inner peace and calmness, good health, and freedom from anxiety and overwhelm while satiating my curiosity about life and the world. That’s all I want from the remaining years I have left.

I try deciphering the dream for a few moments, but like so many times before, I come out with nothing. I leave my bedroom quietly, not to wake my wife, and enter my home office. This is my sacred space, my own (Montaigne)Tower, where I spend the first hours of my waking day. There’s a desk with many journals and three shelves of books surrounding me.